Friday, 21 November 2014

Oly Diary : A letter to the relationship Adviser.



Dear Relationship Adviser,
How is it that one becomes singles and all of a sudden everyone meddles in their personal lives and become a dating expert. I want to ask? Biko, answer me. I ask again, how many married people are happy in their marriage? Or how many of them are enduring in it? Yet the singles are to emulate them and rush into marriage or any relationship.

On behalf of all the single ladies out there, I declare that we are tired of the questions about why are we still single?. Or when are we expecting a wedding invitation? and more so, we are tired of the relationship advice from every aspect of the media.
Do you want to know why? I’ll gladly tell you, is because you act as if we don’t have a plan for our own lives. Must you set a standard for us to follow suit? Hell NO!!
Let me explain why I’m angry at all of you.

First, you guys judge us. I often get asked why are you not in a relationship? Now any answer i give will definitely have a way to more questions which will suggest to the questionnaire that there must be something wrong with me. Am I doing something wrong by choosing to live my life the way me and God chose to?

Secondly, you guys are too nosy. Most of you ignore the signs a lot. You ask a question and I respond with one word answer. Shouldn’t that tell you that am not interested in whatsoever questions you have. Why being single? Personal
Why? Why?
Stop be nosy, maybe I don’t want to talk about it, I might have an ugly past, but just don’t want to disclose it. Or am too busy to engage you. WTF!! PLEASE BACK OFF.

And thirdly, you assume because I’m single, I should date any single guy I see. A concerned friend tried to hook me up during a wedding to her husbands’ friend who is also single. She didn’t even considered whether the people she wanted to hook up actually wanted it. At least, I should have a say in this naaa…

Fourthly, there is this assumption that you all have “my marriage is special”, so envy me. Let me ask you relationship advisers, what’s so special about your marriage? What’s so special about your kids? You all believe that your marriage is a rock star right? Well, I don’t want it. If you feel offended by my opinion on your marriage, then put yourself in my shoes. Please and please if I did not come to you for help and advice, listen, you don’t have any reasons to offer one.

Fifth, do you know you reduce me to the lowest level, when you place high value on my martial status (in the right word, single status). Each time I walk into my friend’s house with an expensive stuff like phone, shoes, or I-pad she usually say  “who is this rich, lucky dude that got this for you?”. That’s how she opens our conversation, even though we mostly talk about my careers and ambitions.
Life is very sweet because my parents are alive and healthy, I ‘ve completed my degree, am alive and not dead, I finally set up my side gig and people actually love what I write, none of these matters to you, I know. All you care about is the “man” in my life. I must stop the visit.
Well, having said all, I don’t feel the need to live by your standard. Do you know what I’ve pass through in life while growing up? You don’t know my financial status. You don’t know my health status. What if I have a goal to meet before I decide to get married or start a family. What about not being capable to run a family yet. What at all is it.
Please relationship adviser, let me be! I’m not forever single, just single for now. So get a life and mind your business.
Thanks
Chatwitholy
Do you agree with me or not?

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